Wedding season has officially started. Spring and Summer romances, bridezillas have come to life, people breaking the bank for what is a (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience.
recently in the last probably 5 decades its become a common thing in our society for people to end up in divorce, over many different things. A lot of people jump into conclusions as to why and though some are totally valid, others are just mediocre and a bit selfish.
As some of you may know, I wrote a book about self improvement and principles or habits I learned to help me write that book and continue my journey to writing self improvement reads. I am currently working on a book about marriage, specifically millennial marriages.
It is a popular to time to be selfish, sensitive and mediocre. With that comes rushed commitments, rushed divorces, higher rate of infidelity and possibly abuse. So if you wonder why people are so scared to get married, its probably because they are scared to be victim of any of these reasons.
The one thing I have learned being married at 22 and having been married for 7 years is that marriage takes A LOT and i mean A LOT of work. this is where most people fail, they think marriage is supposed to be a fairy tale and because while they’re dating everyone is happy and life is perfect, they assume it will stay that way forever. Well, Im here to break it to you guys, it doesn’t really work that way. No matter how perfect and compatible or how opposite and how much you compliment each other, problems will arise, people will get annoyed, someone will get hurt, and you will have a decisions to make.
Full disclaimer before I continue; The only time I personally believe that divorce is the answer is if someone is in an abusive relationship. Like straight up manipulation, physical, mental or emotional abuse. That is something that should NEVER be tolerated and stopped right away.
So why do I say you have an important decision to make? Well, at some point in your relationship you will have problems, you will experience heartbreak whatever form it may in, and you will blame someone for your short term misery because it doesnt seem to end. This is when you need to decide if you’re going to fight or fly. (yes, fight or flight theory applies in relationships too.)
I don’t want to waste too much time talking about all the young relationships I know, including my own. But I do want to tell you that when you commit to someone, you committed because you love them, you can’t imagine life without them. When something unfortunate happens, there will be a window when you think life would be better if you were separate, trust me, it won’t be as great if you were to stick together, work through it and become the most powerful couple you’ve ever known. 😉 Marriage is like having a child, yes I know unfortunately there are mothers who give up their babies because they didn’t feel capable or ready, but that is a whole other topic.
However, most parents have children and love their children unconditionally. There are times when they wish they could send them away or that they were different but they love them none the less and don’t give up on them. This is the same with marriages, I know youre not biologically attached to your spouse, but if you can adopt someone and love them as your own, you can work through the problems in your marriage and love your spouse like your soul mate.
Every marriage is different and however they feel they need to deal with their issues is their own decision. My point of this post is to just remind you that you didn’t get married to get a divorce, you didnt start something to give up on it. ALSO and this is very IMPORTANT, no matter how badly and how hard you are working on your relationship, remember that it takes TWO.
No marriage can work if only ONE person is trying. If only ONE person forgives and if only ONE person stays.
I feel like I made marriage sound like a horrible thing (haha). NO, im happily married, and yes I had some serious struggles in the beginning but that’s why Im writing a book for because it takes a good four pages to tell you how I was at my lowest and now we are at our strongest and haven’t even reached our full potential. (we will but the world isn’t ready for us to take over) 😉 I just want to let whoever needs this To know, that youre not alone and your marriage isn’t bound to fail and no your spouse didn’t change, we all have different attitudes and personalities and life changes, especially big ones, bring out those other traits that we didn’t even know we had. SO don’t be scared, its not a forever thing and you both need to work through it.
There are plenty of resources out there to help, and don’t ever be ashamed to seek help. Don’t feel embarrassed because you think going to see a marriage counselor because you can’t agree on where to live isn’t as important as going because you’re dealing with trust issues. Every problem that can make or break a relationship no matter how big or small it may be is a valid problem and worth working on. We all have someone out there for us to build an empire with. If we have someone already its both our jobs to love, protect and nourish that bond for as long as forever.
Marriage is scary and difficult, but it can be the most amazing journey and learning experience you will ever have.
I will let everyone know once my book (that I’ve written but keep rewriting) is ready to be published.
“Love is a song that never ends.” -Bambi