Hi again, so I made it a goal that I’d post on here at least 3 times a week. So I guess yesterday was the first and today is the second. (when does the week start? Sunday? Monday? Saturday night?
Anywho, I feel good today after having a mental breakdown last night. I hadn’t felt that in a while and I let my frustrations about my own actions and productivity affect my judgment towards others who I want to see do the exact things I’m not doing. Being productive, doing something with their lives and feeling a sense of purpose.
Yesterday I had a long venting sesh with my husband and I let out everything I was feeling. I have been certain of what it was I needed to put my focus and efforts on and I was doing it, I was working a couple hours, then writing and working on my other book project and trying to figure out this whole blog thing and instagram thing. Taking advantage of the tech available to me. Still, Ive been told by one too many people that I should be doing more. (Not my husband, he’s pretty much the only one who’s critique I trust right now because he sees me everyday and knows how I spend my time and will definitely not hold back if theres something Im doing wrong or if I’m lagging it.) But I let that whole “I should just not do the things I feel I should be doing and do the things everyone else is telling me to do.” Not that theres anything wrong with getting a regular job with consistent hours and all that, trust me Ive been applying and going to interviews. Interviews that I I don’t usually hear back from because they’re jobs that don’t require a degree or some don’t require prior experience, and its a field I lack skills in which is administration. Still, we are going back to times when experience is worth more than a degree, which is great because we need competent people doing all the jobs. Either way, its a bummer when I know I should be applying to work in a school (because I have experience) but I’m over here trying to get some new skills by applying at these jobs.
Anyway, I had two interviews last month and I realized something…. I am horrible at interviews. I tend to keep it a little too real and personal when I should initially be more professional and not so raw. I know some might disagree, but from a employer point of view, I would want someone who is upfront but also knows how to switch from personal to professional attitude and I seriously need to work on that. I don’t know what it was about me that impresses my past employers but I gotta figure it out.
So the point of my story is that I still feel like my gut is telling me to make this whole online teaching thing work (oh yeah, btw Im an online English teacher heheheh) and continue applying to job opportunities I feel prompted to try and also continue working on my writing adventures. Idk why I get all worked up when I think about what others think or what the world and society expects from me. I do feel like I am doing what I can and I also feel like I shouldn’t just give up and go to what’s safe.
I do have an application in on a job I really would like to do and it goes hand in hand with what I studied and with some of my experience, so lets cross our fingers that I at least get an interview! Ill work on my interview skills for now.
What about you guys? How you guys doing? =)
Anyway….read this book