Hello again, just writing for whoever reads this and for me to go back and remind myself of these things I write. So as many of you may have seen from my last post its been quite a weird and unexpected month or so. I don’t know how or what I did to feel the way I do, some people might see it as strange or like I probably didn’t care about what was going on as much as I said I did. All I can say is that my testimony of our father in heaven and his has grown tremendously in the past month.
The two shorts week that I knew about my pregnancy were the most emotionally and mentally intense weeks I’ve experience in a really long time. Many changes happened not just with myself but around me. We had our in-laws move in, I found out I was pregnant, I got unexpected news from someone who is very important to me, and I also got an interview for a job I had applied for months ago and really really wanted but thought it had gone and passed.
So, having the early pregnancy symptoms and having all these things come in the same week, I kind of lost my marbles for a day or two. I thought my husband would get tired of my craziness after one day but he really stepped up to the plate and helped me keep my sanity. When I got the call about my job interview I was super excited but also super sad and concerned because I didn’t know what was going to happen with my pregnancy and whether or not Id be high risk and be able to work and do anything. (I was kind of paranoid.) After the interview I was even more stressed out because I found out it was a contracted position for ten months, so naturally I did the math in my head and thought to myself “I won’t be able to finish the ten months because ill have a baby by March.”
I contemplated telling my future employers about the pregnancy. (because I kind of new I’d get it because Im too legit to quit ;P….. jk….kind of.) Luckily I had a whole week to think about it….psych! I got a call the very next day and got a job offer and immediately said “Yes!” I didn’t even think about the pregnancy and was just super excited (especially because my husband was there too and was super psyched and we got psyched together.).
the week from the day I got the interview appointment to the day of my doctors appointment that would show our first child, I was low key sad that the two things I have been wanting most happened at once. I felt like each thing inconvenienced the other and told myself that id would all work out.
Well, long story short, turns out God, the universe, nature, whatever you wanna call it, works in mysterious ways (sometimes hard ways) and things happen for a reason.
If it wasn’t for this job, I don’t know where I would be mentally and emotionally right now. After having my miscarriage, I cried for like two days and then I prayed, my husband prayed, and my family prayed. Not all at once or on the same day, but throughout the whole process. I know without a doubt that those prayers were the reason I was able to feel heavenly fathers love and peace. I know that I was supposed to experience what I did, why? who knows. After I told the whole world about what happened I felt like a gazzilion pounds lifted off my shoulders. I had prayed to know whether doing that was a good idea or not, and even though in the moment I did not get a clear answer I was definitely sure about what I did afterwards.
I wish I could explain how I feel, but all I can say is I feel great! I feel so much love and peace in my heart. I feel secure that I have people here on earth who have my back and I feel even more sure of whatever trials I face because I have His love and trust and he has my back 24/7.
I am grateful for the gospel in my life, I am mega grateful for this amazing job opportunity that I know I will put my all into and I cannot wait to see where it takes me. I am also grateful that the Fall in getting here two months early because lord knows aint nobody got time for summer time ;P (all the stores have halloween stuff now and it makes my little purple and black heart so happy!)
I know that with faith, love and hope anything that comes your way, good, bad or horrible, will be 1000 times more great (for happy) and 1000000 times less painful when you try your best to look at it through a greater perspective and know we are just here to become better, stronger and the best version of ourselves that we possibly can.
“Happiness is a state of mind. It’s just according to the way you look at things.” -Walt Disney